Funkin A

Mr. A did not come to just funk around in Week 3. Steve Porterfield fired a 37/31 for low net honors, while his partner Doug May posted a 42/34 for third lowest net. That resulted in a blowout 37-8 supersize win against Stanky Stix. Porterfield now has the lead in the CGA Cup, while Doug is tied for 3rd. Mr. A has stretched its lead to 25 points in the First Half Team Race and looks like the team to beat.

Time will tell if Mr. A can keep playing at this level or whether they will run out of gas. Interestingly, Doug actually did run out f gas on his way home from the course. For real. One Crony passed him while he was on the road. Doug thought it was his partner, but it turned out to be Tommy Freiburger. Joe Ayers stopped and offered to help, but he had to be somewhere. No worries. Brother Greg, who just got his ass kicked showed up and escorted Doug to the nearest Certified station. Funkin A.

PPaging BBirdies!

Week 2 is in the books and so is 1/8 of the season. Many of us are still waiting for our golf swings to awaken from their long winter slumber. Among them, BBirdies. Mr. A took them to the woodshed in Week 2, 35 to 10, leaving our defending champs 0 and 2 out of the gate and mired in dead last place. The first half is far from over, but Brinkman and Burkley will need to turn things around in Week 3 against Late Night w/ Chetterman if they are going to keep hope alive.

Mr. A rode their 35 to 10 win into first place in the team standings. Up next is Stanky Stix, who somehow mustered up a 36.5 to 8.5 thumping of Somehow.

The Bird Man, Scott Lee, got a haircut prior to Week 2, then gave one to Ryan Webb. Lee shot a 43/35 for the week on his way to a 12.5 to 2.5 victory. Lee tied for low net honors with G. May, who shot a 42/35 to rally from posting the worst net score in Week 1. The elder May also posted low gross in Week 2, tied with Webb (42/39).

Speaking of the elder May, the league's old bull squared off against a red-hot Tommy Freiburger in Week 2, the league's young bull. Freiburger came into the match fresh off of a 41/34 low gross/low net performance in Week 1. But on this day, May's experience and poise proved too much for the talented youngster. Expect Tommy to rebound from this disappointing loss and use it for motivation over the remainder of the year. And if that doesn't work, expect another trip to the hot young hypnotist. Actually, expect that in any event.

And They're Off and Pacing!

Week 1 is in the books. The weather was perfect, the course was a little rough and so were the golf games of most Cronys. Notable exceptions included:

• Tommy Freiburger, who shot 41/34 after being hypnotized to be "more motivated"
• John Brinkman, who shot 41/37 in the middle of his annual visit to Renewal Period Hell
• Commissioner Steve Porterfield, who shot 43/38 while being inundated with questions on how the USB ports work, and 
• Joe Barrett, who shot 51/38 to make himself feel better after suffering through a grueling few days of disappointment, ridicule and being forced to warm up to Baker Mayfield (at least outwardly).

Somehow, Freiburger and Barrett put a 32.5 to 12.5 beatdown on Defending Champs BBirdies. (Arguably, there should be a comma after Barrett.) Somehow is your leader in the team standings after Week 1. They are followed closely by Mr. A (32 pts) and Bird's Nest (31 pts). 

With 12 point wins, Joe Ayers and Steve Porterfield jumped out to the early lead in the Individual Standings, while Freiburger sits atop the Crony Cup standings with a 30 point first place finish. The 41/34 was Freiburger's best round since a 39/32 in Week 10 of last year. All eyes will be on him in Week 2 to see if he can take it deeper and deeper, way down ... 

Here We Go (Again)!

The 17th edition of The Crony Golf Association is set to tee off on Monday, April 30. Not much has changed as Commissioner Steve Porterfield embarks on his second campaign as Commissioner. The format will be the same. The payouts will be the same. The tee rotation will be the same. Outside of a single player change - Jason Diwik returns and Jud Deshler heads to the sub list - the only significant change comes from Hickory Hills ... new golf carts (with USB ports)! Now we're rockin!

The split team season has proven to be popular and will return this season, along with defending Team Champions BBirdies - John Brinkman and Rob Burkley. Just like last year, Week 8 will be played as a wild card round where the 1st place team after 7 weeks gets to pick their opponent and the opponent picks the individual matchups. After that, the top remaining team picks its opponent and so on. The first place team after Week 8 gets to partner up for the second half. Everybody else goes in the hat.

Individual standings will be calculated how they always have been, using each golfer's best 14 point totals out of 16 weeks. Also back after debuting last year is The Crony Cup. Unlike the Individual standings which are based on match play performance, The Crony Cup measures each player's performance playing against the field. Each week, golfers are ranked according to their net score as follows:

1st place - 30 pts
2nd place - 24 pts
3rd place - 18 pts
4th place - 12 pts
5th place - 11 pts and so on thru 16th place, which is 0 pts. (There are no participation points in the CGA!)

As for the majors, the TEA will be returning to Urbana Country Club on June 2nd, while the CGA Match Play Championship will be making a long-awaited return to Black Diamond in August.

So that you can begin mental preparations for Week 1, you will find the 2018 Schedule, as well as the Weekly League View and scorecards for Week 1 on the Schedules tab. The 2018 season payout matrix can be found on the Reports tab.

It all adds up to what should be another great year of sportsmanship, camaraderie and of course degenerate gambling. Touch 'em all!

Week 11 Update: Webb Let's Clubs Do the Talking

If Webb's clubs could talk, they would probably say "Lick it, CGA!" Webb, who just two weeks earlier experienced a miracle recovery from what he feared was a career-ending chest injury, showed up to Week 11 with a huge gash in his cheek. After a rogue sanding wheel almost severed his jugular in a work-related accident, Webb aimed for Burkley's jugular with a 39/34. Burkley's 39/35 was a solid effort but not enough as Webb managed an 11 to 4 win. Webb now sits atop both the Individual and Crony Cup Standings.

With his trusty pards Doug May, Webb also sits atop the Second Half Team Standings as State Champs tries for a sweep of the first and second half races. Despite suffering a rare loss in Week 11, State Champs managed 21.5 points on a night where no winning team earned more than 25.5 points. State Champs holds a 7.5 point lead over Team 13 and squares off against Smoked Port in Week 12, one of three teams tied for 3rd place, just 9.5 points behind.